They always want my phone number

Saturday 19 August 2006 - Filed under General

Yup. It must be the new aftershave. Or maybe the haircut. Or, just my general awesome Asian-man machismo spilling across the counter. Because, I tell you, everyone wants my digits now. Sometimes, they even want my address. Yes folks, I must have had my Player Card freshly relaminated, because I’m batting almost a thousand with the ladies (and gents) behind the counter.

Almost every time I go out to buy something from a retail store nowadays, they want my phone number. The more often I am confronted with this, the angrier I get. Not at the counter person — nay, they are just doing what they are told — but by TPTB (The Powers That Be) that are just plain getting greedy.

Are they going to call me to thank me for buying their products? Or maybe they want to check in with me to make sure the product is working out for me. Or are they going to bombard me with advertising because I “agreed” to be solicited by them?

One Barney’s New York cashier, when pressed as to the reason why she needed my phone number responded with, “in case something happens.” Please, tell me, what the fuck could “happen” to my Kiehl’s Foaming Face wash that you would need to call me? Recalled product? Price drop? Sale I missed out on? Gee, I wonder if it’s so you can call me about some other random shit you are trying to sell me? Or worse yet, sell my number to some marketing firm that will call me day and night for the rest of fucking eternity. So no, thank you, I would rather not give you my phone number. Now ring me up, take my money, and go away.

I have not been so annoyed with retail shopping since Best Buy started second-guessing their cashiers and treating customers like criminals on their way out through that stupid receipt inspection.

It is getting worse, though. This didn’t happen to me much a year or two ago. But I guess since the big crackdown on telemarking through the Do Not Fucking Call Me List put these kinds of managers and marketing people under a rock, they have been scheming to crawl their way back into our homes.

What freaks me out is that I’ve been in many a line where they shoot this “give me your phone number” line at the customer and the customer just complies. I’m half tempted to write down these numbers and call them for the sheer invasion of privacy. Maybe I’ll get some sort of marketer high that will make me understand.

So, here’s what I propose. Let’s come up with some clever responses to this line of retail interrogation. Shoot them in the comments, or hit me with an email. This must be stopped.

Some thoughts to get you started:

• Response: “Can I have your phone number?”
• Respond with the store’s phone number.
• Respond with the ‘ol “555-1212″

2006-08-19  »  mark